I often get prompted to provide more information on actually how to be deviant. There are many of you out there with Kick A$$ ideas, so I never seem to get asked how to generate more ideas.Often we find ourselves in a position of being frustrated that others can’t hear, support, or like our awesomeness.

While attending the POPTECH Rebellion conference just a few weeks ago, I realized that this problem wasn’t something that was experienced just by those starting out in innovation and creativity. It’s also a problem that is incurred by some of the greatest innovators in the world.

John Maeda summed up the feeling best when he said “If you choose to be a rebel, you are irrationally choosing to be uncomfortable.”

So, what am I going to do about it? Create some guides that should give you some great ideas and insight into how to share new and scary awesome ideas with others.

Part I

Listening

OKAY, I know it seems odd to start with Listening as the first step in sharing your ideas with the world. This is why it is so magical; it defies everything you know about sharing new ideas. Normally you figure out how to create a beautiful powerpoint that will show everyone how brilliant the idea is. Then you try to force feed it to them and hope they will love it. Have you ever loved one of these ideas when it was fed to you this way? NO!

So that takes us back to where I began.

Listen

When others don’t fall in love with your great idea, it is because it scares them. Not always scares them like a midnight B rate horror movie. Scares them because it challenges the assumptions they have come to rely on. We all have these assumptions, yes even me. They are the things that help us function in everyday life. I assume that when I press the gas pedal in my car, the car will go. We couldn’t live without our assumptions.

We can’t move forward unless we prove one of our assumptions wrong. That is really what a creative or innovative idea is at the heart; it is something that challenges one of our assumptions.

Whoa!  Now what do you think about this?

When you toss out a new idea, you are threatening the basic assumptions of another. No wonder this usually doesn’t go well!

So what do you do about it?

Listen!

And I don’t mean that kind of listening where they talk and the whole time you are trying figure out the argument that you are going to use to convince them that everything you are saying is amazingly right.

Listen with your heart. Understand that what you are saying might be rocking their world. They probably have a ton of time and energy invested in their current assumption. They have fears of changing that assumption.

When listening with your heart, there are some good tricks to seek understanding.

1) Never ask “why”?

Often poised as a question about their buy in. “Why don’t you like this idea?” “Why not?” “Why are you nervous about this?” When you ask someone “Why?” you might as well be standing there with your teeth showing, snarling, and ready to attack. This totally sends them into fight or flight mode and you will never get them on board. If you don’t believe me, try it. Ask someone “why?” today, I promise they will give you a list of reasons why your idea won’t work, and why you are wrong, and why we should do it a different way.

2) Ask “What?” and “How?”

So how are these questions are ok? They are minor tweaks but they yield great results. These questions will help you find out what assumption you are challenging for this person and how you can work around it.

Most of the time when someone is challenging your idea, they aren’t challenging the whole idea, but just the part that makes them really uncomfortable. By finding the root of the reason they are uncomfortable you can often swing them from adversary to advocate with a few small tweaks. I often find that what others are uncomfortable with are minor parts of my proposal and are things that I have often overlooked. By asking them these “what?” and “how?” questions, I often find out more information that I need to make the project even better.

Some great examples of questions are located here.

3) Listen with your eyes.

Often our bodies are saying what our minds aren’t able to say. You know that feeling, when people are nodding that they love the idea, but you just feel in your gut they don’t. What do you do here?

Call it out, gently. Something soft and sweet, like, “I know you are saying you are good with this idea, but I can tell by your body language you aren’t fully comfortable with this.” ( See, even I can be soft and sweet.)

Whoa! Watch what happens! This allows others the space to voice their concerns. Remember to follow up with “what?” and “how?” questions. Often this is the critical moment. If you can move them from tentatively being in your camp, with one foot still out the door, to standing firmly next to you, it will help you sell the idea to everyone else.

Now show some guts and try this out! Next meeting, next interaction, next dinner with your significant other when they disagree with your restaurant choice. You can practice anywhere!

Can’t wait to hear the tales! Share them below.